Judgement-free zone
When you were growing up, did you have a wisdom keeper?
Susan, a host in Ottawa, Ontario, introduced me to this term. When I interviewed her for my book, I asked about her motivation to host. She described wanting to help students adapt to their new life so they could have a positive experience. Here’s what she said:
“I think you have a responsibility to guide the student. If that is taken away, then you might as well be renting your room out… It’s the guidance that brings you together—they’re young, scared, in a new country, and may not be used to going to someone for help. All of a sudden, all they have is you. If you become that safe place, if they know they’re going to get good advice, and comfort, and someone to sympathize with what they’re going through, that’s what matters. Someone who is a ‘wisdom keeper’ for the new culture they’re in. The host needs to be the person they can go to who’s not going to judge them, but will give them deep truths. It builds a tremendous amount of trust.”
You can create these safe spaces, as Susan explains, by providing judgement-free guidance and “deep truths” based on wisdom drawn from your life experiences.
Sometimes this is easier said than done! Our kids and students can be very adept at testing our patience, especially when they ignore our advice. In these moments, it helps me to remember two things:
1. This is not about me. When I'm looking for an explanation, I ask myself what need my student/child is fulfilling, or what reward they are seeking. Most of the time, they're not on a mission to annoy me.
2. Everyone learns through repetition. Be patient.
Even if you're not hosting or actively parenting, there are lots of opportunities to support the youth in your life or community. A friend of mine is creating her own miniature mentor network, pairing up her friends’ teens with adults they know. Another friend told me about the Junior Youth program, a "global movement inspiring young people, parents, and community members to work together toward a better world." It reminds me of Big Brothers Big Sisters, summer camps, co-op programs, and countless other organizations, all of which understand the value of a mentorship model.
Are you a wisdom keeper for a young person?
